9 Things You Should Never Do at a Cocktail Party, According to Etiquette Experts

Don't Ignore the Host

“Failing to greet or thank the host is a quick way to appear ungracious,” says Vivian Otabor, executive director of Etiquette Global Academy. “Always show appreciation for their efforts, and offer a compliment and smile to show gratitude for being invited.”

Even if you’re a plus-one or one of many guests, be sure to at least acknowledge the person who has put together the event. If a party is co-hosted, this goes for the other hosts as well.

Don’t Monopolize the Conversation

You may have a lot to share, but not everything on your mind needs to be released in this public forum. “Parties are for mingling, so avoid dominating discussions or talking too much about yourself,” Otabor says. “Engage briefly, listen actively, and give others a chance to connect.”

If you feel like you’re carrying the conversation too much, ask some open-ended questions or fun conversation starters to offer others a chance to open up. 

Avoid Overindulging

As tempting as it may be to load up your plate with fabulous-looking hors d’oeuvres or try every cocktail on offer, exercising some restraint can be essential to being a polite guest. 

“Whether it’s food or cocktails, moderation is key,” Otabor says. “Excessive consumption can lead to poor behavior and discomfort for others, so it’s best to enjoy everything in balance.” 

Having a bite or glass in hand can feel comfortable, so eat slowly or alternate between alcoholic drinks and water to have something to sip on without overindulging.

Don't Critique the Event

Sure, everyone’s a critic—but save it for your journal or a close confidant after the function. “Negative remarks about the food, venue, or other guests are not only impolite, but also damaging to your character,” Otabor says. “Keep the atmosphere positive, even if things aren’t to your liking.” You never know what your host may overhear (cringe!), or who baked the cake you found too sweet. No one likes a Negative Nancy, so choose not to voice your criticism. 

Don’t Dress Inappropriately

If it’s not on the invitation, try and make sure you’re on the same page as other guests when it comes to the dress code. A quick “What are you going to wear?” text can be helpful.

Wearing sweats to a more formal event isn’t a great look, and being the most dressed up in a room can also be awkward. Costume party? Embrace the theme! “Ignoring the dress code can make you stand out for the wrong reasons,” Otabor says. “Always dress appropriately for the occasion. If in doubt of the dress code, don’t hesitate to ask the host.” 

Avoid Taboo Topics

Cocktail parties are generally for chatting, not debating. Typically, religion and politics are considered off-limits at social gatherings, so use your best judgement. Work can be another subject to avoid, as most people don’t want to spend their time-off hearing complaints about your boss. 

“Stick to light, engaging topics that contribute to a pleasant vibe,” Otabor says. No host wants to deal with a blow out argument or an intense fact-check on your congressman’s latest snafu.

Don’t Be The Loudest

“Act how you want to be perceived,” suggests Otabor. Laughing or talking the loudest consistently can kill the vibe. This isn’t a solo show or a standup set, it’s a social gathering. Tapping on a glass to get everyone’s attention unless you’re making a toast (and it’s socially appropriate to do so), is generally a bad idea—as is flickering the lights or adjusting the host’s music.

“While enthusiasm is wonderful, being excessively loud or dominating the room can come across as attention-seeking,” Otabor says. “It’s OK to express yourself, but remember where you are and that people are already forming an impression about you before getting the opportunity to know you."

Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

Staying at a cocktail party too long may indicate you’re having a great time, but it can be inconsiderate to the host.

If the host indicated an ending time on the invite, that means it’s time to leave when that time comes. If no ending time is suggested, etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley suggests staying aware of some clues. For instance, if coffee and dessert have been served and cleaned up, the host turns off the music, most guests have gotten their coats and left, or the host’s partner says goodbye and goes to bed, the event is over. 

Farley also says to be aware of if the host starts speaking about the event in the past tense, like “It was so wonderful seeing everyone tonight."

Don’t Forget to Send a Thank You

Thanking your host the next day is essential, according to Farley. If it’s in the budget, send a floral arrangement with a card, he suggests. A little more low-key? 

“A text, perhaps with a fun photo or group shot from the night, can be a nice touch,” Farley says. Try wording like: “Thanks so much for a lovely evening! We just got home and wanted to let you know Janice and I had the best time. Hope to see you again very soon.”

You can also mail a handwritten note—who doesn’t love getting mail? Farley suggests a template like this: “Just a quick note to say thank you for a wonderful gathering last night. The house looked stunning, and your menu was pitch-perfect. (My in-laws are coming for dinner in a few weeks—I might just be asking you for that crème brûlée recipe!) I know what a large amount of work goes into throwing a get-together like that, and am so grateful to you for including us in the festivities. Looking forward to seeing you both again soon. Thank you again for all."